I am spending my child support on dildos
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
