my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
