I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
