Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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