I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
