I just made out with a guy for $7.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
