He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
