my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
