VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
