i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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