Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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