Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
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