The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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