I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
