Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
