I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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