end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
