apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
