I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
