Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
