Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
