the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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