My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I think I won the penis lottery.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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