Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
