did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i permit you to call me
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
