HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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