Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
