she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
