i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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