just tell him i said nine months
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
