Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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