My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
