walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize