Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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