We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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