I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
