I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize