Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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