she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
