so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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