Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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