I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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