I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize