checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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