She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
