Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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