I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
