dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
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