Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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