I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
My breasts were aching with rage.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
