people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
