Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
