dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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