I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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