i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
