we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
