After last night, I could never be a politician.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
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