Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
