just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
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