And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
