I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize