Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
