We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
