Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
