i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I need moral support for this bender
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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