so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
only you would photoshop your dick
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Randomize
