He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Randomize
