Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
