Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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