you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
