I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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