apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
