Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
