TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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