I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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