when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
