Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
