I cannot find my penis.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
That accounts for only three of the penises
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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