I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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