Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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