i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
