I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize