Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Houston, we have a squirter
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
