if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
So much rum. So many feels.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
