so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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