Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
