I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Randomize
