you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize