Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Come on in and take your pants off
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