Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
