I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
my poor anus
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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