hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
