my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
