So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
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