Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Someone signed my nipple.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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