Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
