No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Pooping to opera.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
