dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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