I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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