fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
