Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
