This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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